Earlier this week I was in the yard with a friend and my sons. One of the kids came to us with a problem and I told him to work it out, use his problem solving skills and his words. My friend, being the kind and loving heart she is, jumped up and made a point to work out the problem between the two boys and redirect them to another location to find bugs. I watched it all unfold without comment. It occurred to me that this was an opportunity lost. The boys hadn’t worked through their issue on their own. It was great to have an attentive friend who was ready to turn over rocks and help with the bug search but is that helping or is that rescuing. Does it matter?
Either way, I think the boys are fortunate to have both styles of support. They are able to experience redirection with attentive support and, when they are with me, we work on them solving problems themselves. I support them by sharing possible solutions occasionally and the rest of the time I wait for them to ask for help.
They have the opportunity to know that they are surrounded by love and support and the opportunity to know that they can care for themselves and work through any social and emotional problems that come their way. It is all a process.